tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1394003817992709412024-03-12T21:18:33.110-04:00As Ring Luck would have itMay my misfortune bring you great joy.Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-4246288842988325642013-06-15T14:34:00.003-04:002013-07-07T12:32:11.561-04:00PROJECT PLAY SET: Prep & Destroy (Or Preferably, Destroy Then Prep)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">This past May, our twin daughters celebrated their 6th birthday. To celebrate this special occasion we got them a brand-new outdoor wooden play set, to replace the previous one, which was apparently left in our yard by a previous owner, who must have built it before they invented measuring tape and bubble levels, judging from the condition of the wood, and the craftsmanship.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My father has been helping a great deal on this project. </span></span>We've just started building the new one, and this promises to be a massive project. So far, the manual instructed me to buy drill bit attachments that I didn't need, it failed to tell me to buy drill bit attachments that I would need, it has inconsistently labeled washers and bolts, and at least one diagram is drawn incorrectly. In comparison to most projects that my family works on, this project is going amazingly smooth.</span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWrVC_Txz8E4687o8RjKJgbbFQ1XWtP6Vr4N86QL4kJFZIOs3S_Y6C4wLPV8ydRrZ90LpHWpkXktWKYDP9OoySVpVC4_PgPSos8fotwry4DYx2xesCiZn9J9g0kpK7NBcUUNJSeFOS3Ck/s1600/20130601_200408.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWrVC_Txz8E4687o8RjKJgbbFQ1XWtP6Vr4N86QL4kJFZIOs3S_Y6C4wLPV8ydRrZ90LpHWpkXktWKYDP9OoySVpVC4_PgPSos8fotwry4DYx2xesCiZn9J9g0kpK7NBcUUNJSeFOS3Ck/s320/20130601_200408.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our 13-year old son proved to be quite enthusiastic and adept at dismantling the old playset. </span></span></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The first phase of the project involved the deconstruction of the previous play set. Here is a word of advice. If you ever need something destroyed, you should go to someone who has a lot of experience at breaking stuff. This is why I put one of our children in charge of this portion of the project.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It took a surprising amount of work to fully eliminate the previous playground, considering that it looked like a strong breeze would have taken care of it.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The next phase was a little more work. It involved leveling and preparing the ground. Our backyard somehow has all the mud of a swamp, combined with all the solidity of a quarry. In fact, our yard seems to consists entirely of rocks, roots, ancient bottle caps, which makes it an ideal location for a children's play set.</span><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Also, our entire yard seems to sit at a 45° angle. So all in all, it was loads of fun.</span><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> So far the ground is level. The base is built, and the previous play set is completely destroyed.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I plan to chronicle this project. It will involve 9,000 screws, chainsaws, and complex and inconsistent instruction manual, so I foresee many opportunities for hilarious disasters. So far I have learned:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Don't automatically assume the instruction manual is incorrect, but also do not blindly assume that it is 100% accurate. I have yet to find how to determine the exact point where the line between those two is drawn.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. Barking dogs and excited children do not make the concentration process any easier.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3. The possibility of rain is directly proportional to how important it is for something to remain dry.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<u><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">WORK COMPLETED BY JUNE 1 </span></span></b></u><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><u><b>TOTAL WORKED HOURS SO FAR: 8</b></u></span></span><br />
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<a name='more'></a><u><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">PHASE 1: REMOVING THE OLD PLAYSET</span></span></b></u><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">June 1, 2013</span><br />
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<td><a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/p_7cS_mhkg0aXT8x3NxSfHdiMmuEPwOQX2WQ0FFnmBo?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEFaIVisHwpy2tf8d8mZ4nWXfQ_2ET6AYfjdMc1-6Owu2OKudFRGPCEmbUwmkY3DcJHg-NbS3V9uAwlA3_GVAaqwfrN1LutdnVXH3heswJFmqdriskARsrjHQqtZRlq2bwAoU5en3H3-4/s288/20130527_164125.jpg" height="186" width="248" /></a>
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<a href="https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/mqNPcxVQOSAbSQCGrAwnNndiMmuEPwOQX2WQ0FFnmBo?feat=embedwebsite"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBGyq1rD3MWwMJjzaJVFyFdm6KuLNBSl1IzyYCIOQFOq2XMIsHPb6m2nwzA0EenPbZZr-gBDJH2f3rCgUU4o4BieeqCv0MuITlLMP2EY-q6R148U3h3RS6emkz_TacJ4jEJ9zzQGxW0rM/s288/20130602_140319.jpg" height="186" width="248" /></a>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-65184125784488707662013-02-06T14:55:00.001-05:002013-02-06T14:55:51.133-05:00The DeSantification Process<p>I'm not stupid. I just do stupid things. I'm hoping there's a difference. See my latest article in the Northern Virginia Daily.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.nvdaily.com/lifestyle/2013/02/anthony-ring-the-de-santa-fication-process-never-ends.php">http://www.nvdaily.com/lifestyle/2013/02/anthony-ring-the-de-santa-fication-process-never-ends.php</a></p>
Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-90678680953855772062012-12-15T08:03:00.001-05:002019-12-01T23:35:40.018-05:00Oh, Christmas Tree<i>*As the NVD has moved this link, I've copied the full article back to this page.</i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If you ever decide to remove the lights from a pre-lit artificial Christmas tree, it is vitally important to have the following tools on hand:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Needle-nose pliers</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. Scissors</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3. Sturdy gloves</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4. A time machine, so you can go back and slap yourself in the face before you begin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">For the past five years or so, our family has been using an artificial Christmas tree, which was given to us by friends, who had previously used it themselves for a few years. It is very well-made and it looks very realistic. It has served us well and saved us a good deal of money. Recently, some of the light strands started going bad, possibly due to being forcibly crammed into a bag and dragged, pulled or dropped down the stairs for the past half a decade.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We had the bright idea of just pulling off the pre-installed lights, and replacing them with new lights. After all, the tree still looked good. We thought, “Hey, it’s just a few strands of regular Christmas lights tied onto the branches, right? How hard could it be?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Very.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here are some handy tips, if you ever lose all sense of reason and decide to try this yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Find the first strand of lights and follow it to the first point where the cord is attached to a branch.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. Grabbing the center pole firmly with both hands, lift the tree and throw it out the window. Proceed to the store and buy a new tree.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I know it sounds crazy, but it’s almost as if the tree manufacturers never expected consumers to ever want to remove the lights. If you have a well-built tree like ours, the cord will be attached to the branches by wire-ties and green plastic clips. These clips and ties cannot be easily removed bare-handed. They require some sort of metal implement, such as pliers, scissors or a broadsword. They are also deeply imbedded into the tree so you must reach through thousands of tiny, sharp plastic needles to reach each one. There seems to be approximately 400 clips per branch. If you assume there are 1,000 branches on the tree you can calculate it out and see that it will also require a good quantity of alcohol to get through a job of this magnitude.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It is much easier to tackle a project such as this if you do not have to simultaneously deal with three very hyped-up children (and one dog) who are filled to bursting with holiday excitement. For one thing, everyone knows you can’t get anything done efficiently if you are unable to curse your way through the tough spots.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We started this process early in the morning. Several hours and a couple of pints of blood later, we were roughly half done. It was hard to estimate progress, though, because every time you undid one clip, it seemed 14 more would pop up out of nowhere. We could tell that we were making some sort of progress, however, due to the three-foot deep pile of discarded wire-ties and plastic clips surrounding the tree.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As usual, the point at which we realized that we might have taken on more than we could handle was the exact point at which it was impossible to turn back. This was when I suggested that maybe we should take a break and finish it in the morning. But by this time, what had started out as a fun family Christmas event had turned into an all-out battle with the tree that my wife refused to surrender to. Her response was, “We are getting in the holiday spirit today if it kills us.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We eventually conquered the tree and removed all the lights. Somehow, everyone survived, including the tree. Now the tree is all lit up with colorful and shiny new lights, which will stay on the tree forever and are never to be removed again, ever, if I have my way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Luckily, the kids seemed fairly oblivious to the difficulty we were having and maintained their extremely high levels of holiday joy. They were just happy when the tree was finally ready and they could begin haphazardly tossing extremely fragile ornaments onto it, at random. Sometimes up to seven per branch for the two youngest. Sometimes with hooks capable of supporting them. But that was normal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So at the end of it, we may have been scratched, scraped up and worn out, but the tree is up and it looks nice. More importantly, the kids were happy and the family now has a shared holiday memory. This will be a year that we will never forget. It will probably seem much funnier next year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I learned a great deal from this experience: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Pre-lit Christmas trees have a </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">lot </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">of lights on them;</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. Never say things like, ‘How hard could it be?’ When you do, the universe conspires to try and show you; and </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3. Some of the memories that we cherish the most are the ones where everything goes wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">--</span></div>
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My latest entry is published in the Northern Virginia Daily. Find out how, or more importantly, why you shouldn't try to un-light an artificial tree.<br />
<a href="http://www.nvdaily.com/lifestyle/2012/12/oh-christmas-tree.php">https://www.nvdaily.com/life/lifestyle/oh-christmas-tree/article_1f74fac4-7b38-55b7-b496-afdb4e3bc687.html</a>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-9730437033048453862012-07-11T23:48:00.001-04:002012-07-12T17:58:01.868-04:00American Optimism: Storm? What Storm?<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m not sure what was more exciting, 45 minutes worth of a fireworks display crammed into 10 minutes, or the mad 4-mile dash back to the car in a desperate attempt to outrun a ferocious thunderstorm.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like most of the United States, we recently took the girls and our nephew (who is 6) to a nearby 4th of July event. Somehow word had spread to our daughters about the existence of fireworks, possibly the week-long build-up at daycare, so excitement was reaching dangerous levels. For days, the normal response to any question, comment or request was, “When are we going to see fireworks?” and if your answer was anything other than, “Right this instant,” they would reply, “But it’s America’s birthday!”</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We decided to take everyone to the festivities in Strasburg, VA. By “decided,” I mean “were forced.” Not that there is anything wrong with Strasburg’s Independence Day celebration. We’ve been going there for years, and it’s always a good time. But this year we had wanted to go to a different event and try something new. We had it all planned out - arrangements had been made for my nephew to be joining us, dinner had been taken care of, and we purposely waited until close to dusk before we left so as to avoid outdoor temperatures that sounded more like they came out of a recipe than a weather forecast.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was close to 6:45 when we prepared to leave, which was the perfect time for my wife to notice the fine print in the newspaper ad which said that the main gates closed at 6:30. Quickly revising our plans, we thought that maybe there was a fireworks display somewhere in Front Royal. After some quick research, we found out that of course there was...the day before. It seemed Strasburg had been chosen for us.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We arrived, and began the four-mile hike from the public parking lot to the park. Okay, maybe technically it was closer to a half mile. But, as all parents know, the amount of work it takes to get a child under the age of 10 to walk any given distance is at least double the amount of effort it would take to walk it alone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we made it to the event, there were dozens of food stands, pony rides, toy booths, and moonbounces (moonbounci? I’m not sure of the plural of that word) scattered around the park. When the kids noticed the moonbounce, it was like one of those cartoons where the characters disappear leaving a kid-shaped dust cloud behind. There was also a flurry of shoes. I somehow found myself childless, holding three pair of shoes with no idea what just happened. My wife had taken all our stuff and gone to claim a spot while I tried to keep track of three overly excited children amongst hundreds of other overly excited children. It seemed that the kids had figured out that it was too much trouble to take shoes off and put them back on every time they went in a new moonbounce. Even if they were wearing flip flops. But you’ve got to love a moonbounce. You can relax while the kids are relatively safely confined and burning off some of their seemingly endless supply of surplus energy. They may be bouncing off the walls (ha!) but at least they aren’t destroying anything.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once everything was under control (and I use that phrase loosely) the first thing we noticed was how enthusiastically everyone was ignoring the ominous storm clouds and jagged lightning bursts on the horizon. No one ran screaming to their cars. Nothing got cancelled due to the severe thunderstorm warnings. Instead, they decided to start the fireworks early, and apparently all at once. Or at least at a much faster pace than originally planned, to try and beat the storm. Dangerous? Perhaps. Awesome? Absolutely.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mother nature was not to be outdone that night, however. The lightning was amazing. Strange sideways and upside down lightning, heat lightning, all almost continuously, throughout the whole show. The massive storm was approaching us, in the direction we would have to go to get back to the parking lot, and literally hundreds of people decided not to run from almost certain doom. We instead chose to stay and celebrate our independence. Why? Because this is America! We have American optimism, confidence and faith. The United States didn’t become the greatest nation on earth by running from dangerous and difficult situations. When times look rough and a situation looks hopeless, we don’t run back to our cars like cowards! We stare a storm right in the face and say, “Psht. We can beat that.” It made me very proud of my fellow countrymen. God bless America.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That’s not to say that the minute the fireworks ended we didn’t all make a quick exit to our cars. America didn’t become great by being stupid, either.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I learned a few things this Fourth of July: 1. You know you’re at a fun event when shoes are an inconvenience; 2. Americans are some of the most patriotic people on the planet; and 3. You’d be surprised how much farther a destination seems when you have to walk <i>towards</i> a thunderstorm to get to it.</span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-28129639103339563182012-01-21T08:02:00.001-05:002012-01-21T08:02:15.477-05:00I'm a Little Teapot, Scorched and Stout<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite
being specifically designed to withstand high temperatures, a metal stove top
kettle can, in fact, catch on fire. This is one of the many valuable and useful
lessons that ought to be taught in school, but isn’t.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Recently,
I found myself wishing that I had been given this knowledge in a structured
academic environment, instead of learning it the hard way in my kitchen. You
might think that it is fairly impossible to ignite a metal teapot using only
the heat generated from a standard stove top burner, but you would be vastly
underestimating Ring Luck.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
I
don’t recall reading anywhere on the box that said that this sturdy
water-boiling kitchen device <i>wouldn’t</i> catch on fire, so I guess it’s
partially my own fault. My wife and stepson were away from the house at a
Scouting event, and I was watching the girls at home. For some odd reason, I
never considered boiling water to be particularly dangerous, so I started a saucepan of water to brew some tea.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
I’m
not sure entirely what went wrong, but my second mistake was to turn my back
for half a second. That’s when all the catastrophes happen around our house. If
you don’t believe me, then you should come to my house and stand in any of our
children’s tidy bedrooms, then turn your back for half a second and see how
fast it erupts into a massive disaster zone. All it takes is for you to turn
your back for a brief moment. Catastrophes are amazingly fast.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
My
first mistake, if you were wondering about the mistake count, was to turn on
the wrong burner, on top of which was sitting an empty teapot. I didn’t realize
this mistake at the time, when I left the kitchen and went to another room to
take care of one of the other hundred chores we always seem to have piling up
at our house. The girls were in the living room, adjacent to the kitchen, and I
briefly stepped into a bedroom when the fire alarm went off.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Frustrated,
I ran out and silenced it, while simultaneously trying to calm my 4-year olds
with expressions such as, “It’s ok, it went off by accident, it was just a
test, the battery must be going bad, don’t worry,” etc., all while I was
wondering what was causing that sudden strange melty smell.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Now,
I’ve never mentioned it before, but I am very thankful for the girls’ wonderful
day care center. They have done an excellent job for preparing the girls for
the constant string of disasters that they are almost certainly going to have
to face in the coming years, due to the fact that they are Rings, hence subject
to Ring Luck. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So they knew that it was important to remain calm while telling
me, “There is a fire in our kitchen.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
“What?
How can that be?” I thought as I rushed into the kitchen, only to arrive and
see the teapot inexplicably engulfed in flames. Again, I have to give the girls
credit for realizing the situation and asking me, calmly, “What do we do? Do we
need to run outside?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
I
was amazed at how they were handling the situation, considering the normal mass
panic that occurs when a Polly Pocket shoe has somehow ended up in the
Strawberry Shortcake container. So part of my mind was pretty impressed. The
part that wasn’t consumed with panic, of course.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
Since
I was still confused as to how it was even physically possible for a teapot to
be on fire, I wasn’t sure what was actually burning. Therefore I was somewhat
afraid to dump water on it. I hadn’t been using any grease that I was aware of,
so it probably wasn’t that kind of fire, but metal doesn’t normally
spontaneously burst into flames either, so I wasn’t ruling anything out. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The
first thing I tried was to smother the flames, just in case. After
destroying the dry towel I grabbed, I settled on the old standby of dumping
water on it. Which worked, and the total damage only included one ruined towel,
if you don’t count the destroyed teapot itself. Or the scorched drip pans. And
our air filter wasn’t looking too good after processing all that smoke either.
But still, the house was still standing, so I’m counting it a success.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
That’s
the story of how Hayley saved our house. It turns out that the plastic handle
on the teapot is what caught fire. Apparently it’s not a good idea to put an
empty pot on a hot burner.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I
learned several very important lessons through all this: 1. If you’re child
tells you that the house is on fire, it’s a good idea to double check, on the
off chance that it’s not an exaggeration; 2. Make sure to only use a </span><i style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">wet</i><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> towel when trying to smother an oven
fire; and 3. Our teapot might be a melted husk, and the stove burner might be
coated with a thin layer of melted paint and plastic, but at least I can rest comfortably
knowing that the smoke alarm in our house works perfectly.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-77904254967382183342011-10-25T21:08:00.000-04:002011-10-25T22:04:42.214-04:00Watch for Secluded Grassy Areas<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.42777784424833953" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’ve heard that when the city of Washington D.C. was first designed, the layout was based on powerful Masonic symbols, which made traveling efficient and logical. Looking at it now, however, it seems to have been desi</span>gned on an etch-a-sketch, by someone who has had 3 or 4 too many Red Bulls. Roads and neighborhoods have been randomly (or ‘malevolently’) tacked on to the original design and the entire town seems to be in a perpetual state of construction. Apparently the modern designers, thinking outside the box, disregarded the idea that if you have a one-way street, then the next one-way street should go in the opposite direction. Also, they did not seem to want to conform to the idea that a street like, ‘North Johnson Street’ should have to connect in any way with ‘South Johnson Stre<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">et.’ In addition, there are plenty of detours and unmarked roads to further confuse the issue. You might as well be driving blindfolded. Apparently everyone else is, and it doesn’t make any difference for navigating. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s no wonder why D.C. is so populated...no one can get out.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Everyone knows that driving in D.C. is a nightmare. This is why, on a recent family trip to the National Zoo, I knew that the directions you take to get there are not the reverse of the directions to get home. So I thought I had planned accordingly, when I printed out two separate sets of directions (one for the trip there, one for the trip home,) in a feeble attempt to thwart Ring Luck.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After our action-packed day at the zoo (which you can read about in a <a href="http://anthonyring.blogspot.com/2011/10/did-we-visit-zoo-or-was-that-aquarium.html">previous post</a>,) we had decided to make our way home. We were all worn out from from a fun day, still somewhat damp from all the rain, and hungry, which we planned to remedy as soon as we got home. Little did we know that this would take slightly longer than planned. By ‘slightly,’ of course, I mean seven hours.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">As it turns out, there are many exits from the zoo. As it also turns out, the directions I had to get us home led from a different exit. For some reason we figured we could just ‘wing it’ and get back on track. I blame this irrational belief on exhaustion, hunger, being wet, and an unwarranted faith in my sense of direction. Several neighborhoods and a national park later, we were hopelessly lost. </span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Apparently, there is a huge section of DC that they forgot to pave over. It is more than 1,700 acres of natural beautiful that they call Rock Creek Park, which we somehow ended up in the middle of. I had never even heard of it before. It’s somewhat jarring to be driving through crowded city streets and skyscrapers and street garbage one second, and then be surrounded by a serene forest full of trees and creeks the next. I found out later that the park is currently undergoing reconstruction, so there are lots of detours and such, which is probably how my directions led us into it, rather than around it. It was a nice park, and I very much enjoy nature, but we were very tired, plus all the “Gates close at dusk” signs began to make us anxious to get out before we were locked in. Eventually we found our way out, which was coincidentally right around where we entered despite never having turned around. That’s D.C. for you.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There is one thing worse than being lost in a huge, unfamiliar city, away from the touristy parts, as it is starting to get dark. And that is being lost in a huge, unfamiliar city, away from the touristy parts, as it is starting to get dark, and having your 4-year old in the back seat say, “I need to go potty!”</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I don’t really consider us to be uncivilized hillbillies, but sometimes you have to take your daughter behind a random building in the middle of a major urban district so she can pee outside. Somehow, in the middle of a neighborhood in Washington D.C., we couldn’t find anywhere with a public restroom and we weren’t willing to take the chance that we could find one in time. I will add that it was a grassy area behind a building in a quiet suburb, not in an alley with people wandering around. We’re not </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">complete</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> hicks. She handled it well, since sadly, she is getting used to things like this happening to us constantly. Her main question was, “Whose house is this?” I was fairly certain that I didn’t want to find out.</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Since we were stopped anyway, we used this time to call my Dad, who probably had access to the internet and could look up specific directions out of town from where we were. He gladly helped us find our way out. I will add that even internet map sites get confused by D.C. (When your directions say to take a route that has “access road” in the name, that has got to be a good bet, right?)</span><br /><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We eventually made it to a main road which led us to the interstate, again thanks to my wife’s spectacular driving skills. It is no easy task to be driving and paying attention to traffic, while listening to second-hand directions being relayed over the phone, while also trying to ignore the chattering of three children in the back seat who are in a constant state of either fighting, demanding to know how long it will be, or excitedly talking about their day, all at maximum volume. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">When we made it to a familiar route, it was probably the first and only time I have ever been glad to be getting onto the beltway. It was around this point that we realized that our dinner plans would have to be modified, so we resolved to find somewhere out of the city. To help stave off the complaints from the back seats, we let the kids have some cookies left over from lunch, which our son fished out of the cooler from his seat. My use of the term ‘fished’ in that sentence is not a figure of speech, unfortunately. The cookies, much like us, were soggy, because water from the cooler apparently got into the bag somehow. Water related incidents seemed to be the theme for the day.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Before we could make it to a suitable restaurant, our other daughter suddenly and</span> without warning urgently needed to go potty, possibly due to the extra water she inadvertently consumed due to the soggy cookies. We desperately began searching for a close, safe location that was likely to have a functioning restroom, based on the info you can gather from those blue signs on the interstate. And she was a real trooper about holding it, though I think she was beginning to get desperate by the time we found a place, based on the number of times, and increasing volume at which she said, “Hurry!”</span><br />
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We made it to a gas station with a public restroom and rushed her in, just in the nick of time. While I was waiting outside for everyone to finish, a man came up to me and politely asked if I could help him jump start his car. I did, of course, and everyone went on their way. If our day had gone even remotely as planned, we would have been nowhere near that gas station at that time of night, and that only a very odd set of circumstances led us to being there at the exact moment he needed help, so I figured that guy had somewhat better luck than I do. Then again, his car was broken down and he was forced to ask a stranger in a big city for help at night, so maybe we're even.</span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span><br /><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Eventually we made it to dinner, and then home safely with no one any worse for the wear (with the exception of the cookies.) The trip home taught me something: 1. A GPS of some kind would probably be a pretty valuable investment for us, if we could ever afford to go anywhere; 2. Sometimes getting lost will take you to wonderful new places you never knew existed and would have never visited otherwise, which you can appreciate later on the off chance that you survive; and 3. Say what you will about D.C., but there are a surprising number of beautiful grassy areas for you to pee in if necessary.</span></span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-37146404202922159572011-10-24T21:09:00.000-04:002011-10-24T21:09:40.644-04:00Did We Visit the Zoo, or Was That an Aquarium?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">My family and I recently visited to the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. It is exciting to witness the savage laws of the jungle, and to learn about how some creatures are in a constant fight for survival in a harsh environment. And that was just us, during the trip home.</span><br />
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The zoo idea came about because of three things: </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Kids love animals. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. There is a major zoo within fairly easy driving distance from our house. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;">And most importantly, due to the current economy and our financial situation, </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">3. The National Zoo is FREE.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The trip there went fairly smoothly. My wife drove, and the directions led us where we needed to go. I have to give her credit for her amazing driving skills because it is no easy task to pay attention to all the traffic lights (which are mounted on the sides of the roads instead of hanging over the center - prettier, but much less obvious to an out-of-towner) plus keep an eye on pedestrians fearlessly stepping into the road with an irrational confidence in our ability to notice crosswalks and traffic laws. We even made it in time to get a decent parking spot, which I had read online could be difficult, so I was starting to get suspicious.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We had wisely decided to bring our backup stroller because even though a tired child may physically be able to walk, we are not always physically up to the challenge of making them. I did get nervous at all the strain we were putting on the axles as we popped it up on two wheels constantly to make it up the multitude of wooden stairs leading upwards into the park. It was like we were climbing the pyramids in Egypt. The nervousness may have been because of the flashbacks I was having due to the </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; white-space: pre-wrap;">demise of our original stroller (which you may remember from a <a href="http://anthonyring.blogspot.com/2011/01/always-carry-spare-stroller-tires.html">previous post</a>.) But we made it, and the twins enjoyed the ride.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The beginning of the trip went smoothly. Everyone had fun. Our plan to pack a lunch and save money worked perfectly. The kids got to see turtles, and toucans, and tigers, as well as more exotic animals like cows and chickens, which were also in the zoo for some reason. Maybe I’m too countrified (and, yes, that is an actual word) but it seems weird for there to be food on display at a zoo.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After we had been there for a little while, thunderclouds began to loom and it was threatening to rain. Somehow, we were caught off guard by this, despite having read the weather forecast that said ‘possible thunderstorms at 3PM’. As a precaution, we headed into one of the indoor exhibits, as did most of the other zoo visitors. At some point, one of our daughters informed us that she urgently needed to go potty. I volunteered to run her out to the restroom, which was a convenient 2.6 miles away, and headed out into the light drizzle that had started while we were inside. As we walked, it began to rain harder and harder. By the time we made it to the restroom, I was glad that we were at a zoo, and that there were already at least two of every animal gathered together in one place. It was a massive downpour. We got soaked to the skin. The napkin sized umbrella flap on the stroller may as well have been a screen window.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You may not realize this, but there is a limit to how wet you can get. At some point, additional water makes no difference. We discovered this limit. But we made it to the bathroom with no accidents, not that anyone would have been able to tell.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">On our way back to the family, my wife called and they decided to head out of the indoor exhibit regardless of the weather, and meet up with Hayley and me. I think it was because of another one of the kids also needing to go to the bathroom, but in fairness, a child can only handle the excitement of knowing that, despite the fun of watching orangutans inside, there are elephants and tigers and stuff </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">right outside somewhere</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If there’s one thing I’ve learned about having bad luck (or worse, Ring Luck,) it’s that no amount of preparation will help you avoid it. You may think that you have planned for all contingencies, but there is always room for exciting and new unexpected disasters. For instance, on this recent outing, I did think to bring a spare set of clothes for the girls, because accidents happen, and because they happen a lot more frequently around them. And not just bathroom-type accidents, either. Things like somehow getting themselves covered to the neck in mud from a 3 inch deep puddle. So I knew to bring extra clothes.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">After the rain let up, I remembered the spare clothes, and proudly announced that at least the girls would be cozy and dry for the trip home, due to my genius! As luck would have it, however, I had the extra clothes in our non-waterproof backpack, which was on my back, which had been through the downpour. Also due to my genius.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Luckily, the wetness didn’t really dampen our spirits (You liked that pun, I can tell.) None of the three kids complained about being wet. Everyone had such a good time that we accidentally didn’t make it to the gift shop before they closed and we couldn’t get the kids any souvenirs, but no one seemed to notice. If you have much experience with children, you will realize this is HUGE.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our original plan was to make it home in time for dinner, again to save money, but that plan got shot the minute we left the zoo parking lot. We all know that driving in DC is a nightmare, and we tried to plan accordingly (emphasis on the word ‘tried.’) But that’s a subject for <a href="http://anthonyring.blogspot.com/2011/10/watch-for-secluded-grassy-areas.html">another post</a>, coming soon.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Therefore, due to our very eventful and stressful escape from D.C., we were very late and opted to stop somewhere for dinner. We didn’t really care where, specifically. After the chaotic trip out of the city, the restaurant only had to meet the following criteria:</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. Be located anywhere other than D.C.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2. That’s it.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So we found a place somewhere along the road home and made our way inside. At this point, I thought that we must look like we had just dragged ourselves ashore from a tremendous shipwreck, but convinced myself it probably seemed worse in my head and a passing stranger probably wouldn’t notice. However, I found out that my initial impression was correct when the waiter, making friendly conversation, innocently asked, “So, did you guys have fun at the pool today?”</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sadly, I am not making that up for comedic effect.</span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: transparent;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The zoo is not only fun, but a great educational place to visit. I learned many things on our trip. For instance: 1. Any given situation can only be as enjoyable as you want it to be. If you decide you are going to be miserable, then you will be, but if you decide that you are going to have fun no matter what, then you can overcome almost any obstacle; 2. While it may be important to have spare clothes for young children quickly accessible for urgent use, It is also vital to keep additional spare clothes somewhere else, preferably waterproof; and 3. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A hot-air hand dryer in a public restroom
does NOT function very well as a clothes dryer, and there is no real way to use
them to that effect without people looking at you funny.</span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-63693640346842617572011-07-04T17:08:00.000-04:002011-07-04T17:08:05.118-04:00"Zip" A Dee Doo Dah<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span id="internal-source-marker_0.6061628293308027" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">My wife and I recently celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and we did what many married couples do on occasions such as this – we went sightseeing through the woods, by hurling ourselves off some very tall trees.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">That’s right, we took a zip line tour through the Blue Ridge Mountains. I highly recommend it. If you’ve never heard about this recreational activity, a zip line is basically a long cable connecting two trees or poles. They put harnesses on you and you climb up the tree to a platform where they attach you to the cable using a very thin strip of material which appears to be the size and thickness of a strip of masking tape. Then they toss you off the platform, at which point you “zip” across the “line.” (Please pardon the technical jargon I am using here.)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">You can reach speeds of up to 40 mph, and are several stories above the ground, so obviously safety is a concern. This is why they have you strap on a helmet, and go through a rigorous 10-minute training session where you learn important zip line safety techniques, such as “Self-Rescue” and “Not Slamming Into Something On The Other Side.”</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">In this training session they teach you how to steer. I’ll bet you have probably never considered steering to be a necessary skill for sliding along a straight length of cable on which the only direction you can go is “down.” You can swivel, though, and steering is what keeps you from spinning around backwards. You actually need to push in the direction you are swiveling in order to turn back in the opposite direction, which is counter-intuitive. Still, It is an important skill to learn unless you would prefer not to see the tree or platform that you are about to crash into.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Speaking of crashing into things, you also learn how to brake. The braking mechanism is very complex, so prepare to take notes. To slow down, or stop, you need to use the following procedure:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">1. Reach behind your head</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Grab the cable</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">You would be surprised at how effective this is, which I learned from grabbing too tight and lurching to an instantaneous halt halfway across the line. The specially designed gloves keep you from hurting yourself, unless you reach in forwards to grab the cable instead of backwards, which, of course, is your natural instinct. If you reach forwards instead of backwards, you put your hand directly in the path of the “trolley” which is the mechanism that allows you to roll down the line. “Not Chopping Off Your Fingers” is an important technique to learn during this portion of the training session.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">As an added bonus, the zip line tour can boost your confidence and help you overcome your fears. There was a teenager in our group that was slightly nervous about heights, but who had wanted to experience the zip line anyway. He had done well, but almost balked at going across the final section of line, which was particularly high and long. To help him overcome his fear, the guides and other members of our group all gave him esteem-boosting words of encouragement, and when that did not work, one of the guides shoved him off the platform against his protests. They did warn us at the beginning that they would do this, but since they also said something about a six-foot penguin roaming the woods, I assumed they were kidding. Their sense of humor, while very entertaining, made you wonder if they had been wearing their helmets too tight, for too long.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">To be fair, when we all finished the kid seemed very proud of himself, so they must know what they are doing. He just needed an emotional (and in this case, physical) nudge to take the first step.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">You can see by now why this is such a popular activity. I do not, in any way, mean to discourage anyone from trying this. I am figuring that if you have a cautious or reserved kind of personality, you’re not going to try it anyway, and if you’re more of an adventurous type of person, you’re going to do it in spite of (and probably </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">because</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">of</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">) what I have to say. The heights, speed, and remote possibility of crashing into a tree limb were all selling points for me. Then again, we have three kids, two of whom are twins, so the adrenaline from the fear of falling is nothing compared to turning your back for a split second, then finding that someone has managed to get outside and climb up to the very top rail on your second-story deck.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">All joking aside, I very much enjoyed the experience, more so because I got to share it with my wife. It gives you a beautiful view and a unique experience. Our guides were very knowledgeable, experienced, friendly and funny. Plus, you’re really never in actual danger. Your main strap is made from Kevlar, and at all times you are secured by at least one extra safety line, (and most of the time two.) The lines and equipment are checked daily and repaired or adjusted as needed.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Everyone in our group made it back in one piece and the guides said that was great, since it “improved their average,” but I’m going to assume that was a joke, much like their tale of the guide who fell from the zip line due to three rabid squirrels ganging up and chewing through his harness.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">I learned many things through this experience: 1. Anything where they make you sign a waiver absolving them of any responsibility for your demise is probably going to be fun; 2. Don’t be afraid to try new things; and 3. On a zip line, you have to override many of your natural instincts (the first of which is not jumping off of a tree,) but it is worth it.</span></span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-47870331608120794582011-06-08T13:38:00.001-04:002011-06-08T13:49:04.827-04:00Getting Geared Up (Part 2)<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whenever you have a vehicle that is out of commission, sometimes the most frustrating part is the inconvenience of it all, and all the hassle you have to go through. Sometimes it’s the thousands of dollars it costs to have it repaired. In my case, it’s usually both.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After my truck broke down last month, leaving my wife stranded on the highway, I had packed up the kids and gone to get her, which you can read about in <a href="http://anthonyring.blogspot.com/2011/05/getting-geared-up-part-1.html">Part 1</a>. It was a joyous reunion. The kids and I hadn’t seen her all weekend, and we knew she had been through some rough weather in addition to all the intense activities she had participated in during her Woodbadge training. The excited hugging that you would expect in a reunion such as this was somewhat dampened by the 40-ton tractor trailers whooshing by a few feet away at 80 plus mph, plus all the miscellaneous litter and roadkill. Still, it was obvious that everyone was very excited to see each other.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We got Sara and all her camping stuff transferred into our other vehicle and got everyone off the highway, to keep from getting hit by a car while we waited for the tow truck. After that, the only danger the kids faced was from fights with each other in the back seat, which is somewhat less likely to end in a trip to the emergency room. Probably.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We eventually got a hold of a tow truck driver, and our insurance company. It was not the easy task you might imagine. We got an answering machine on the 24-hour line at the towing company. When we finally got a hold of someone, their cell phone battery died mid-call. Our confidence was rising.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When we talked to the insurance people, they cheerfully informed us that we did not currently have a towing rider on our policy but that they could easily connect me with someone who would be able to add one which I could take advantage of next month. I might add that they were very glad to be of assistance, despite the fact that they weren’t any help. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The tow truck driver estimated it would be at least 45 minutes before he could get to us, so I volunteered to wait with the car while the tow truck came. I figured my wife had spent enough time stuck on the side of the road for one day. Of course this was the one time in my life where I had not brought a book with me, nor do I have internet access for my phone (not because I am an old-fashioned curmudgeon who has have some sort of grudge against technology. It’s because I have a grudge against being broke.) This lack of entertainment gave me a lot of quiet time to contemplate important and meaningful issues in life. For instance, I studied the beauty of a hawk in a nearby tree. I appreciated the wonderful sunset over the lovely mountain landscape in which we live. I debated over whether or not I could discreetly pee out the door of the truck without getting arrested. 45 minutes can be a long time.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eventually, the tow truck driver arrived. He was a very nice man and he did his job well. I admire him for having a cheerful attitude, despite having good reasons not to. He told me that he wasn’t supposed to be working that night, plus he was still recovering from his recent carpal tunnel procedure. I’m guessing that hauling chains and pulling levers is not the best way to recuperate from hand surgery, but I’m, not a doctor.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While we were waiting to hear back from the garage, and were without our second vehicle for a few days, an army of germs took advantage of our emotional vulnerability. First our son got strep throat. Then one of our daughters got it. Next, our other daughter threw up a few times for unexplained reasons. And finally my wife got strep throat, bronchitis, and a double ear infection. Our kids were ending up in a variety of different places, since they randomly had to stay home from school or day care, or go to doctors. It got hard to keep track of.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One day that week, one of our daughters was at day care, the other was with my mother, and our son was at school. My wife and I were both at work, somehow, and we got a call from day care that our daughter was complaining about it hurting every time she went to the bathroom. We called the doctor’s office to ask if we should take her to the emergency after-hour clinic, or if we should make an appointment for the next day. To avoid panicking us, they said, “Are you insane? Get her in here NOW!”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ok, so that’s not a direct quote, but it was definitely implied. When a nurse says to bring your child in as soon as you can, and they would squeeze her in somehow, you can’t help but to be concerned. This began the frantic planning session to determine how we would get all of our kids, who were all in different places and in varying degrees of sickness, to all the different places they needed to go, with only one vehicle. It was much like trying to plan a standard NASA mission to the moon, but with more potty breaks. It would have been a little easier if we were able to generate the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of power to be able to go back in time, but we did not have this luxury. Finally, we got our daughter to the doctor and she got all fixed up with the medicine she needed. Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eventually, the mechanic finally called. We didn’t hear anything from him for a few days, which I normally don’t take as a good sign. This incident did nothing to change my stance on that issue. Turns out the transmission was wrecked, and that they are surprisingly hard to find for 14 year old vehicles. By the way, when the mechanic starts laughing hysterically after he finds out which vehicle you are there to pick up, it’s also not a good sign.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">$1,900 and one week later, we had the truck back, and our daughter was thrilled. She had been very concerned about the truck coming back from the truck doctor and it not being sick any more. And I learned something. 1. Everything is a matter of perspective. Thanks to this incident, the next month when our other vehicle needed a mere $800 worth of work done, we were actually grateful and thankful. It was as if they were doing it for free; 2. You can control your own happiness. If a guy with carpal tunnel syndrome, who is working on his day off can have a good attitude, there’s no reason anyone else can’t; and 3. Always make sure to go to the bathroom <i>before</i> embarking on an emergency rescue mission.</span>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-44317738757970700882011-05-01T22:13:00.000-04:002011-05-01T22:13:26.117-04:00Getting Geared Up (Part 1)A couple weeks ago, my truck sort of gave out, which is odd, because it is a mere 14 years old. I don't think I have ever owned a vehicle that was born in the same decade as the year I bought it. As you would guess, I'm sort of used to car trouble.<br />
<br />
Of course, the truck waited to break down until my wife, Sara, was driving it all alone. It had been desperately hanging on up until this point, waiting for the chance to wreak the most havoc. Or, possibly, it had done everything it could to warn us that it was on the verge of total system failure and I just missed it. In retrospect, I guess there were a few subtle, practically imperceptible warning signs I should have picked up on:<br />
1) It shimmied and shook every time you got it to a fairly high speed, upwards of 25 mph.<br />
2) It made a noise, similar to a freight train screeching down the tracks with the emergency brakes on full stop.<br />
3) It refused to go into fourth gear.<br />
4) My wife repeatedly saying things like, "I think there's something wrong with your truck," and, "I'm pretty sure there is something obviously wrong with your truck."<br />
<br />
In my defense, I knew it needed some work done but had been optimistically thinking that it could hold out until we had some spare money saved up. And by "optimistically," I mean, "foolishly." I may as well have been waiting to get struck by lightening while holding a winning lottery ticket, during a shark attack.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Sara was driving the truck home from being out of town for the weekend. She almost made it. Ring Luck would not allow the truck to break down in town, next to a mechanic or anything. I should point out that she was out of town because she was taking an intense leadership training course in which the participants are required to camp outdoors. I think she woke up one morning to snow on the ground. Therefore, she was exhausted, the truck was fully loaded with all of her camping gear, she was fifteen miles from home, and all by herself on the interstate - the perfect recipe for vehicle failure.<br />
<br />
When I got the call, I immediately loaded up the kids and headed out to help. By "immediately" I mean, "at least 20 minutes later" because the kids somehow manage to actually go slower during emergency situations than they do normally. And that is no easy task. There was time for two separate police officers to stop by and check to make sure Sara was all right, and to gently remind her that this vehicle could only be left here for 24 hours.<br />
<br />
The first priority was to get to my wife because she was all alone and stranded on the side of the road. The second priority was to take a look at the truck. After we arrived and got settled, I approached the truck. Now, Sara had already done everything that anyone would normally do to get a vehicle moving. But, being a guy, society obligates me to pretend like I have some clue as to what is going on in a car's engine. After repeating everything she had tried, I confidently conclude, "Yep. It's broken all right."<br />
<br />
You'd think all my experience with cars in less-than-prime condition would give me some sort of mechanical talent. Surprisingly, it doesn't. I know about as much about fixing car engines as I do about girls fashion and hair care. Anyone who has seen the way I have sent my daughters to day care can attest to the fact that this means "not much."<br />
<br />
I have, however, learned a lot about sitting on the side of the road, walking down highways, being late for work and so on. It would be nice if I could pick up something slightly more useful, such as getting a vehicle to operate when it won't start, or preventing it from stalling in the path of an oncoming tractor trailer, but I think that, for me, this is just a pipe dream.<br />
<br />
Eventually we got it all worked out, through a series of events that will have to be the subject of another post, involving tow truck drivers, mechanics and the inconveniences of having three kids in three different places, two full time working adults and only one functioning vehicle.<br />
<br />
This time, I wouldn't say I learned anything new but instead was reminded of several things I already knew: 1. Owning a vehicle will always be a huge, money consuming drain on your finances. It doesn't matter how great the condition is when you buy it, it will always need gas, tires and pieces of it will eventually fall off, and the sooner you accept that fact, the better; 2. We should be thankful that we live in an technological era of cell phones, WiFi, GPS and such, so that these situations are not nearly as stressful as they used to be not that long ago; and 3. A towing rider on your auto insurance is an inexpensive yet invaluable addition to your policy, and it would have been nice to have had one.Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-79849927816011256072011-04-04T21:13:00.001-04:002011-04-04T21:14:21.986-04:00I Can Hardly Contain Myself<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> I’m fairly certain that most if not all the toys in my house arrived in a container of some sort. I am positive that extra containers have been purchased, recycled, borrowed and given to us to help store the massive amounts of various items that need containing. Yet we still seem to have a container issue. The issue is not that there is a shortage. The issue is more about how the concept of “using things as they were intended” goes against our kids’ nature. </span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Containers never seem to actually contain anything. Or they contain the wrong things. Cats, for example. Sometimes they contain our kids, in such imaginative uses like cars, or beds, or trampolines. But not for very long, mostly because household containers are generally not designed to withstand the sheer destructive force that our children are capable of wielding. I can easily imagine an engineer in charge of designing a sturdy container saying, “This container has a 300 cubic feet capacity, can support a load of 600 lbs and can withstand 3,000 lbs of external pressure.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> And his boss saying, “That’s good, because I’m going to let my three year-old play in it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> To which the engineer would reply, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. No one said anything about making this thing child proof!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> I think there should be some sort of law that states that any toy intended for use by children should only be allowed to have three separate parts. The way things are now, everything has, at minimum, 500 pieces which require a container. We have containers for doll parts, dolls, Legos, Lincoln Logs, balls, trucks, plastic lizards, puzzles, costumes, and anything else that you can imagine. Unfortunately, all the items intended for those containers are being stored in purses, recycled lemonade tubs, baskets, backpacks, paper bags, jars, cardboard boxes, Ziploc bags, towels, socks, and anything else the kids happen to come across when it’s time to clean up. This leaves us to wonder, “What are we going to do with all these empty containers? Maybe we need some sort of container to contain all these other containers.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Fortunately, no container stays empty for long. As soon as a kid sees any object that can hold another object, they will find something to fill it. At the risk of sounding too scientific, kids love putting stuff into things. Unfortunately, those things tend to be whatever is at hand with little regard to what items should be stored together, or whether the items are dangerously sharp, vitally important screws that some appliance can’t work without, or likely to rot. There is also no concern for locating these objects later.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> This problem becomes more obvious at bed time, when everyone is tucked in, and someone cries for a miniature stuffed animal that they want that was just here a minute ago, but is now probably tucked into a backpack full of completely unrelated items, then buried in another container and has probably been left in the basement.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> The other day, one of my daughters had a pile of magnetic dollhouse stuff scattered across the floor. I asked her to clean them up, and of course the box that the pieces were supposed to be in had long ago been damaged beyond normal use. (How a 40 lb. girl can break a thick, Plexiglas panel into multiple pieces is beyond me.)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> I turned my attention to other tasks and when I turned back around, lo and behold, she had cleaned up the dollhouse pieces into a container. Unfortunately, it was the container which, until a few minutes prior, had contained the crayons and markers. (This container was actually intended to be some sort of jewelry box, I think.)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> “Where did you put the crayons?” I asked her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> They were in the only logical place one would dump a huge box of crayons and uncapped, ink-dripping markers, the couch. With a sigh, I asked her to clean up the crayons. The next logical step for her was to dump out a container of plastic food to make a container for the crayons – the ones she could find that hadn’t worked their way through the multiple gaps and openings between cushions, of course. Dumping the thousands of plastic food pieces into another container was unacceptable. They had to be dumped loose, onto the floor. And around and around we go.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> It seems to go against the laws of nature for things to stay contained. Even (or especially) people. When we are infants, we get put into cribs which we eventually climb out of, despite the dangers. High chairs and car seats quickly become too restrictive. Baby gates designed to keep us in a specific place become a challenge that must be overcome. People don’t like to be labeled because the human personality is far too complex to neatly fit into one specific category. Businesses often look for employees to think outside the box. Everything in our being rebels at the thought of being contained. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that our children don’t instinctively want to keep their toys in the correct place, or in any sort of containment unit at all, for that matter. On the contrary, I think they see it as their duty to free any contained objects from their imprisonment. Their theory is that if it is physically possible for an item to be broken down into individual components, then by all logic, it should be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Since becoming a parent, I have learned a few things about containers: 1. It doesn’t really matter how many you have. There are either too many, or not enough, and either way, nothing will ever be kept in them for very long; 2. Try to be patient with your children when they don’t do things by the book – they are only expressing their creativity; and 3. Never underestimate the raw destructive power of a 3-year old.</span></div></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-21168858840461062662011-03-19T09:45:00.008-04:002011-03-26T16:27:20.826-04:00When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;">Eating dinner out, and potty training are two things that do not combine very well. First off, when our kids were slightly younger than they are now, any dinner out was a disaster. There are three of them and only two of us, so right off the bat, we are outnumbered. There’s no man-to-man defense in a situation such as this. Add to that the fact that two of them are twins and sometimes you can have yourself a real situation.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Once, when the girls were not quite fully potty-trained, we were having a dinner at a restaurant. Of course, for us, ‘having dinner’ means there was food on the table, but instead of eating it, we were frantically jumping around catching thrown forks and spilled cups and tipping high chairs.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> At one point, one of our daughters said she had to go potty. If you’ve ever potty trained a child, you know the thought process that happens at this moment. There is mild frustration at having to interrupt dinner to take care of things. There is excitement at the progress your child has made since they know they have to go and can briefly hold it (and I should emphasize ‘briefly.’) Mainly, though, there is the overwhelming sense of urgency that you have to get them to the potty immediately. This thought overpowers most other brain impulses, such as motor function, common sense, or perceptiveness.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> I was in the urgent mode. In a flash, I grabbed up my daughter and rushed directly to the bathroom, and also into a very awkward moment. I suppose there were probably several clues I should have picked up on to alert me that I was making an embarrassing mistake. But when you are in a mad rush to get a small, not-quite potty trained child to a bathroom, it’s quite possible to miss minor details.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">DETAIL #1: The missing urinal<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> When I barged into the restroom, holding my child like a sack of potatoes, I distinctly remember noticing that in the spot where there should have been a urinal, there was a normal toilet. “That’s odd. What kind of establishment is this?” I thought, briefly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> But I didn’t have time to waste on such petty, superficial, architectural incongruities at the moment. I was on an urgent mission, with a small child and a full bladder to contend with! We made it to a potty just in time. No accident in the diaper! Success! As the feeling of relief flooded my system, my brain relaxed and started to remember other small details.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">DETAIL #2: The woman at the sink<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> In the back of my mind, I vaguely recalled seeing something out of place as I rushed into a stall. “Was that a <i>woman</i> standing at the sink when I rushed in here?” I thought. “Why is there a woman in the men’s restroom? The nerve of some people...”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> But in the back of my mind all the pieces were all gradually starting to come together for me. It was at this point that I heard my wife’s voice calling me from the door to tell me another minor detail I had overlooked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">DETAIL #3: The female symbol on the door<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> As you’ve probably already guessed by now, the next words I heard were, “Honey, that’s the women’s room.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> “The women’s room? That can’t be right,” I thought. “I wouldn’t do something <i>that</i> stupid, would I?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Sadly, I would.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> Apparently, the lady at the sink must have had children and/or grandchildren of her own because she only chuckled in an understanding manner as I profusely apologized. Apparently, she was much more observant than me, and she must have noticed the panicked expression on my face that I had as I so rudely hurried past her with a toddler held at arms length. She instantly identified me as a frantic parent who obviously took a wrong turn somewhere, and did not jump to any number of other conclusions one might come to in such a situation.</span><br />
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</span></div></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> As always, I learned something from the experience. 1. Panic and being in too much of a hurry can always lead to careless mistakes; 2. Women’s restrooms are, not surprisingly, much nicer than men’s; and 3. If you have the time to look carefully, you’ll find that most public restrooms are clearly identified.</span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-23074609654020486282011-03-09T17:02:00.000-05:002011-03-09T17:02:42.217-05:00Never Store Cheese in the Closet<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><style>
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</style> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> If it weren’t for my kids, I would never have considered the advantages of keeping cheese in the cleaning supply closet for several days. These are the sorts of enlightening tidbits that you pick up when you become a parent.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> My children love to help. They are overflowing with excitement and energy when it comes to all sorts of chores. Except, of course, the ones they are <i>supposed</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> to be doing, such as cleaning up their messes. Still, whenever they see us carrying something heavy or working with some sort of high-powered appliance, they are eagerly on board. Particularly if it is potentially messy or dangerous.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Unfortunately, a child’s desire to help you is inversely proportional to the actual level of help they are physically capable of providing. So in letting them help, we are actually making things take longer and usually creating more of a mess. Still, we don’t want to discourage them, because we know that eventually the day will come that they will be able to lift more than three pounds and reach higher than 3 feet. We want them to grow up to be helpful, despite all the disasters, pain and financial ruin it may cause.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Once, we had just parked in a parking garage somewhere that prints out a ticket that you are supposed to hang on to and give to the attendant when you are ready to leave. Because it takes a little while to unharness, unbuckle, unlatch and unload two squirmy and excited two-year olds, and gear up with the necessary 65 pounds of diaper bags and other supplies, we asked our older son to grab the ticket off the dash for us. He eagerly jumped into the car, ready to be of help. When we were ready, the first thing we noticed was that the torn, wrinkled, sticky piece of paper that our son handed us did <i>not</i><span style="font-style: normal;"> look like the parking garage ticket. In fact, it looked a lot more like half of the town registration sticker from the windshield.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span> <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Another time, after we finished wreaking havoc in the grocery store (see a previous post for more detail), the girls wanted to help us bring in and put away the groceries. Obviously they want to carry large, spillable and fragile things like milk jugs or loaves of bread. Somehow, amidst a flurry of can stacking, jar dropping and bread smashing, we kind of lose track of the kids. You can also lose track of some of the groceries. For example, a half hour later while trying to make a sandwich, I couldn’t find the sliced cheese. My wife swore that she had picked some up. For some reason, it never crossed my mind to check in our cleaning supply closet, which is where I found it. Somehow, I overlooked the block of cheese, bag of French fries and frozen roll of cinnamon buns on a lower shelf until several days later. After a brief discussion with my wife, we agreed that this food was no longer safe to eat. (The discussion went something like me saying, “Do you think-” and my wife instantly replying, “No.”)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span>When I expressed my frustration at finding something not put away where it is supposed to be, my wife laughingly said, “That’s what it feels like to live with you.” Apparently, I have some difficulty differentiating between adult and children's clothes when I put away laundry. Also pants and shirts, socks and underwear, sweaters and t-shirts, and so forth. We go through a lot of clothes at our house, so to me it all starts to look the same.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span>Here is a list of other ways our kids have “helped” us.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• <b>I cleaned the TV</b><span style="font-weight: normal;">: Our daughters like to wipe off the TV screen or windows with a baby wipe. It would be more helpful if the baby wipe hadn’t just been used to clean syrup or spaghetti sauce off their faces, but at least they are trying.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• <b>I fixed the dresser</b><span style="font-weight: normal;">: Once, in the middle of the night, one of our daughters helped us by taking every single article of clothing out of her dresser and leaving them unfolded in a pile on the floor. Not a great way to be woken up at midnight, but at least all the drawers would then close all the way!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• <b>I cleaned the floor:</b><span style="font-weight: normal;"> In other words, “I spilled water all over everything in the basement.”</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• <b>I made the table (or chair, desk, my face, etc.) pretty</b><span style="font-weight: normal;">: Add a splash of color to your décor through the extensive use of stickers and crayons. Don’t forget the permanent markers!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">There are several things to remember when dealing with a child’s attempts at helping you: 1.They are only trying to help so they can earn your praise, so please be patient with them; 2. When a child wakes you up in the middle of the night to tell you that they fixed something or cleaned something up, it’s never the blessing it seems, and finally; 3. Always aggressively clip and use coupons to offset the cost of improper food storage techniques so you can at least break even on the grocery bill.</span></span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-73821158203193014572011-02-28T16:47:00.000-05:002011-02-28T16:47:15.282-05:00Joy Sometimes Looks Like Chaos<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><style>
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</style> </div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> There is something magical about the way that young children can find great joy in even the simplest things in life. Through innocent and inexperienced eyes, even a basic trip to the store can be full of fun and happiness. Their excitement levels can only be matched by the amount of destruction they leave in their wake.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> If you’ve ever seen one of those shows about people who chase tornadoes and hurricanes, then you have some idea of what it’s like to take our kids to the store. Sometimes, when we forget how… energetic our children can be, we decide to take them with us on a supposedly quick grocery trip or short errand. It usually seems like a good idea at the time.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Our twins are at an age where they do not necessarily need to be pushed around in a cart. They usually ask to walk around. And, of course, when I say ‘walk,’ I mean ‘run’ and when I say ‘around,’ I mean ‘around crazy.’ This isn’t to say they don’t <i>want</i> to ride in the cart. In fact, they will ask to ride in the cart numerous times per minute, usually right after asking to walk.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> We are blessed to have very smart and inquisitive children. This means that they like to examine things up close to see what they can learn. It also means that there is a chaotic flurry of objects getting pulled from the shelf and tossed in every direction. They are also curious about the shelf itself, and whether they will fit on it, or if it will support their weight. (Sometimes, it can.) </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Shopping with the kids is usually a frantic attempt to replace items on shelves, keep fragile items out of small hands, and maintain visual contact with three children. Occasionally, if we have time, we take a break from all that to actually look for the things we came to the store for. Between my wife and I, we have four eyes and only three children to keep track of, and we outweigh them by a good bit, so statistically, this should be easy. Sometimes statistics are misleading.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Because our kids are very vocal about their discoveries (and anything else that pops in their head), other shoppers – sometimes from several aisles away – can hear all about their animated observations. They are so excited to see all the wondrous colors and pictures on, say, a pickle jar, that they can’t help but share, usually by running across the store with the item precariously in hand. The more likely it is to shatter and make a tremendous mess, the better. Their enthusiasm is somehow both endearing and stressful.</span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</style> </div><span style="font-size: small;"> <span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> I am glad that our children are so curious and inquisitive about how things work. I just wish they were a little less curious about the workings of the public restroom in the store. No matter how clean an establishment keeps its restrooms, you still feel there are germs hiding everywhere. Children are drawn to germs.</span></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> The timing of the bathroom request is critical for our children. They <i>love</i> the family restroom at Wal-Mart, because it has those kid-sized potties, so they make a point to visit every trip. They know that their optimal time is to ask five minutes after we get into the store, or right after the cart is entirely full of refrigerated goods. Another key time to ask is when we are at the exact opposite end of the store from the restroom, or in line at the cash register. Just be to safe, they also ask to go to the bathroom at approximately 20-second intervals. </span></div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> In any event, I've noticed that we bring much joy to people when we go shopping as a family. We see a lot of amused faces as we struggle to maintain order. And through much trial and error we have discovered the following from taking our kids to the store: 1. We can all learn something about our own outlook on life if we watch the way children take great joy in even the simplest things and are happy wherever they are; 2. The grosser something is, the more likely it is that someone will touch it, or roll around on it; and 3. After they make room, </span><span style="font-size: small;">a three-year old can fit on most grocery store shelves. </span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-57584152350103690182011-02-18T21:53:00.002-05:002011-02-27T15:22:44.090-05:00The Peaceful Dinner (and Other Myths)<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> There’s nothing like sitting down to a piping hot, freshly prepared dinner after a long day, and enjoying a quiet and peaceful meal. Or so the legend goes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> These days, I have difficulty believing that such a thing as a relaxing meal exists. First off, there is the surprising fact that despite our incredible good looks and amazing talents, my wife and I both need to work full time jobs in order to make ends meet. This means that by the time we get the kids picked up and dinner prepared, we are already fairly worn out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> After a hard day at work followed by us frantically slaving over a hot stove, we are usually rewarded for our efforts by hearing someone say one of the following heartwarming phrases that make all our hard work in the kitchen worthwhile:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• I don’t like this</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• This is yucky</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• I don’t want this</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">• What <i>is</i> this? (said with a facial expression normally reserved for when you are handling a dead skunk, possibly one dipped in radioactive waste.)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Apparently some of our kids have taste buds in their eyeballs, because they can instantly tell they are going to hate certain foods that they have never tried before, merely by looking at them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Once the crying, screaming and complaining slows down enough for everyone to sit down and say the blessing (which is often another adventure in itself), we can start to eat. Incidentally, we have discovered a little trick for when one of your young children has difficulty going to the bathroom. The surest way to make them need to go potty is to sit down in front of your hot meal and get ready to take the first bite. Sure as anything, someone will jump up and run to the bathroom in a panic, yelling that they need Mommy or Daddy’s help.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> While our dinner is cooling as someone is away in the bathroom, it seems that the girls’ utensils are somehow heating up to scalding temperatures. I assume this to be the case because they seem to drop forks on the ground like they are on fire. One after the other, even as they are quickly being replaced with clean ones. I suppose another possible explanation could be that they like to pretend their utensils are people who are flying, or jumping, or taking a bath in their ketchup, hence they get slippery and airborne.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> As a parent, you will often hear yourself saying the strangest things. For instance, I have had to explain to one of my daughters that ranch dressing is <i>not</i> the same thing as suntan lotion, and besides, it wasn’t sunny inside the kitchen therefore she didn’t need to be applying any during dinner.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Another strange phenomenon is that our childrens' bottoms and their chairs are like the opposite ends of a magnet. They repel each other. Speaking of chairs, theirs seem to float around like they are pucks on an air hockey table. There is a constant battle to keep their seats close enough to the table for them to feel comfortable. Judging from the way they keep asking to be scooted in, I think they would prefer to be sitting on the table itself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Our children seem to think that our kitchen is the size of a football field. Firstly, they find nothing wrong with tossing flammable toys back and forth over the hot burners. They seem to have forgotten how easy it is for something like, say, a homework paper to fall into the oven and catch fire (not that they’ve ever seen their Daddy do that or anything.) Secondly, they seem to have the impression that everyone else at the table is 100 yards away, and they need to shout to be heard.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> Sometimes when a napkin is temporarily unavailable, a sleeve will do. Any sleeve, it doesn’t have to be your own. Nice dress clothes are also particularly absorbent. Ask our kids.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> At least no dinners at our house are ever boring. People who have been present during meals always seem amused. Our kids say and do things that you can’t help but laugh about, as you wring the spilled Kool-aid out of your shirt. Since every meal is like this, we have learned a few things.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">1) Always have anywhere between 30 to 40 clean forks and spoons handy at any given meal; 2) Always wear a full-length protective smock to the table; and finally 3) Don’t wait until it’s too late to have the dreaded “ranch is not suntan lotion” discussion with your children because you really don’t want them hearing about that sort of thing from kids at school. You may want to go over how ketchup is not lipstick or shampoo while you’re at it.</span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-39647041124535168422011-02-12T09:47:00.002-05:002011-02-27T15:25:54.813-05:00A Date Night To Remember<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><i>The contents of this post happened during the bitterly cold winter of 2010.</i></span> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Last winter, my wife and I set up a date night. We made the mistake of trying to actually plan it. Fate is very amused by our attempts to plan things.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Our son was out of town for the weekend, and my parents were keeping the girls overnight. The idea was to catch an early non-animated movie (I had forgotten they even made those any more,) then maybe have dinner somewhere that didn’t involve plates and forks being thrown to the floor in 10-second intervals. We were also looking forward to being able to sleep late the next morning, possibly even as late at 6:00 a.m. I know what you’re thinking, especially if you have young children, “That’s crazy talk.” But sometimes you have to let your hair down and get reckless.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> However, an emergency came up with our son and we needed to pick him up a day early. We had to drive an hour or so to get him. Suddenly our plans were off track, which is a HUGE surprise, I know. Luckily, he offered to stay the night with my parents as well so we could still have our night out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> After the kids were all settled, we were off. Of course, we were behind and decided to try for a later showing of the movie than we intended. But that was ok, because the movie was sold out anyway, which we found out after trudging all the way across the crowded parking lot in sub-zero temperatures. I made the classic mistake of not ordering our tickets online the previous summer. I don’t know why I was expecting to be able to get <i>tickets</i> from the <i>ticket </i>counter. What century am I living in?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Since the next showing had been fully booked before the movie was actually finished filming, we decided to call it a loss and head home. We were thinking maybe we would order some Chinese food and watch a pay-per-view movie.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> As you probably guessed if you know much about me, that didn’t quite work out. But Ring Luck didn’t totally get us. We did manage to get our food ordered, albeit seconds before the electricity went out. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> We did happen to have a restaurant gift card someone had given us for Christmas for a place that most likely had light and heat, and most importantly after the day we’d had so far, alcohol. However, as you know, Chinese food can be prepared and delivered in ten minutes. It doesn’t matter if you’re right next door to the restaurant, or if you live three states over, they always tell you the same thing – “Ten minutes!” So it was probably too late to cancel the order, since it was probably halfway cooked before they hung up the phone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> So we waited and checked on the kids, who did have heat. Next, we had a quiet, candlelit dinner, which was quite nice, despite the gradually decreasing temperatures. Later, it was getting pretty frigid with no signs that the electricity would be coming back on any time soon, and we needed to make a decision. My parents had told us we could come to their house for the night if things got too bad. On the one hand, frostbite was starting to set in and they had electricity and heat. On the other hand, all three of the kids were there. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Don’t get me wrong. We really love our children and cherish the moments we spend with them. But, for some reason, we chose to stay home anyway.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> In the end, it wasn’t so bad of an evening. My wife and I got to spend some time reconnecting, which was really what the night was supposed to be all about. We got to take a break from some of the chaos that fills our lives. I really enjoyed our time together that night.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Plus, we learned something. 1)Always buy your movie tickets in advance online; 2)Keep plenty of blankets and candles around the house just in case, and finally</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">; 3) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Six or seven hours later when the power came back on as we were sleeping, cozily huddled under several dozen layers of blankets, we learned to always flip off all the light switches in the house during a power outage because when the power does come back on, so do all the lights.</span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-46199709794616493692011-01-31T15:19:00.010-05:002011-02-27T15:36:51.212-05:00Always Carry Spare Stroller Tires<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>The contents of this post happened in July 2010.<o:p></o:p></i></span> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> I was very impressed by the Six Flags America theme park when we visited this past summer. The park was clean, the employees were friendly, and the other guests hardly laughed at all upon seeing someone lugging around a fully loaded double stroller missing its two rear wheels.</span><br />
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</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> As always, family trips are an adventure at our house. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to throw hours of intense planning and preparation out the window. But sometimes, you do whatever it takes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> So, when we planned a day trip to an amusement park with our 10-year old son, and two 3-year old daughters, we figured we should be prepared. We packed our big double stroller, capable of carrying two small children plus several weeks’ worth of supplies. We packed a few gallons of suntan lotion and swimming stuff for the water park. To save money, we packed a lunch in a cooler and planned on having it in the parking lot. We had coupons for drinks and online discounted tickets. We had our directions and maps printed out. We thought were ready for anything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Fate loves it when we think we are prepared.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Turns out we should have planned on leaving at 3:00 a.m. That way, we may have actually left the house at 8:00 am. It’s kind of hard to keep kids focused when they are all hyped up on the knowledge that they are going to a theme park. You might think<i> </i><span style="font-style: normal;">that would encourage them to get ready faster, if you’ve never had the slightest bit of experience with children at all.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> When we finally arrived, we decided that we might as well have lunch first, since of course, it was that late. We suited up for swimming stuff, then headed in. We packed all our stuff into the extra-large turbo deluxe stroller, and entered the park. There were no lines, and security gave us no trouble whatsoever. Things were looking up…for about five minutes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> In the water park area, one of the back wheels on the stroller fell off. It melted or was stretched in the axle area or something. I’m no expert on stroller engineering, but I can’t help but think that it’s slightly possible that it may have had something to do with our 10-year old pushing all his weight on the back and popping wheelies with it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Because the stroller had all of our stuff in it, and because we had just gotten there, and because we were already so far into the park, I figured I would try to use the stroller anyway and just balance it on three wheels to make do. Apparently Fate took this sort of optimism and determination as a direct challenge. Not long after, the second rear wheel also fell off. Then one of the giant drinks we had just bought (after my wife waited in line for at least an hour) fell and spilled. Ring Luck doesn’t mess around.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> As I lugged the stroller back out of the park by lifting the back end and rolling it on its front two wheels, I was encouraged by how few people laughed directly in my face. It kept my spirits up enough so that I could actually see the humor in the “John Adams Carriage Repair” sign on display in the Colonial section of the park. During all this, my wife was in charge of keeping the kids happy and safe, which is no small task seeing as how they are magnetically attracted to danger.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> Eventually, I finally got the disabled stroller back to the car, and all of our stuff transferred into multiple diaper bags and backpacks. On my way back in, I got a tad more scrutiny from the security guards. Apparently it is much more suspicious for a single adult male to be carrying multiple diaper bags into the park with no children than it is for a family of five to be bringing in those exact same items. You’d think they would have remembered me from when I exited moments before but their vision was probably impaired at the time from all the tears streaming down their faces as they tried to hold in their laughter.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> After they were done with the X-rays and bag inspections and who knows what other secret background checks they did, I got a rental stroller and made it back to my family. The rest of the trip was great and we all had a really fun time, especially the girls because the new stroller had much easier access for them to be able to leap out of their seats unexpectedly at any given moment into crowds of strangers or in front of giant, smiling trains. This sort of thing gives parents the kind of adrenaline rush that you normally get from riding a roller coaster, but with no lines. Which is convenient, since as a parent of young children, you don’t get to ride as many roller coasters as you used to.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> So it turned out to be a great day, and we even learned something: 1. A cheerful attitude can turn a potentially miserable day into a great experience or at least give you a story to tell that will seem funny to you later; 2. A good plan will last up until the moment you first attempt to execute it, and most importantly; 3. Always carry at least 2 full-sized spare tires for your stroller.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-139400381799270941.post-70734657767145104552011-01-24T16:44:00.005-05:002020-10-06T19:30:59.358-04:00Always Read The Invitation<div style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><style>
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</style> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">We arrived 15 minutes early for once. That should have been my first clue that something was horribly wrong.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">You see, my wife and I have 3 kids, and two of them are twin 3-year old girls. We never get anywhere early. Getting everyone out the door in the morning is like pulling teeth, except teeth are indifferent and not actively opposing your attempts at getting anything done. So we never get anywhere when we’re supposed to be there. If we arrive at all, we consider it a success.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The morning started like every other morning…for me, anyway. That means it was one minor disaster after another. The girls were every excited because that day was the day one of their friends was having a birthday party, and they had been looking forward to it all week. We know this, because every morning they asked us if there was no day care, and if it was the party day. Repeatedly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The first thing that happened was that our brand-new Blu-ray player (right out of the box) had some sort of cardboard advertisement/feature list thing on it, secured with what must have been an industrial-strength epoxy, the type they use to hold airline parts together. Of course, I could be exaggerating and it could have simply been welded on, I’m not sure. In any event, it’s taken a lot of scrubbing and cursing to get it even remotely clear. It’s still not completely gone. We may have to sand it down and repaint the box. I’m not sure electronics take to well to that sort of treatment, but they also won’t take to well to using some form of acid, and I can’t think of any other alternative.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">While we were getting inventive with our adhesive removal techniques, one of our daughters spilled water all over everything in the basement because, ironically, she was trying to clean something.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Once those issues were loosely under control (nothing is ever completely under control at out house,) we got everyone ready and got out the door with time to spare to get to the party location in Winchester, a half-hour away. And we got there early, while the parking lot was still empty and before anyone else had arrived. Unbeknownst to us, it was before anyone was <i>ever</i> going to arrive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sadly, the party was in the <i>Gainesville </i>location of that establishment, a solid 45 minutes away in the opposite direction. Turns out that you have to fully read the entire invitation when your kids bring home cards from their friends. After we realized that there was no way we could get gas and still make it to the actual party in time, we felt so horrible that we took our kids somewhere else fun and bribed them with new toys.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Later that night, fate struck again. At dinner, a barometer on the cabinet behind me exploded for no reason, showering me with glass fragments and whatever strange liquids they use in barometers. I don’t know if it fell and broke, or if it just exploded because it found our situation so hilarious that it laughed itself to death.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">These sorts of things happen to us all the time, and it’s not because of any of the reasons you’re thinking (i.e. I’m an idiot.) The actual reason is something called “Ring Luck.” It causes even the most simple task to be full of complications. Nothing ever goes smoothly and you can always assume that everything will take longer and cost more than you expect and that you will have to deal with something slightly out-of-the-ordinary. I’ve had it my whole life, my brother has it, my dad has it, and now my wife has picked it up. To be fair, I did warn her before we got married, so I can’t be held fully responsible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The upside is that it makes a funny story out of every memory and that’s really the most important thing. Also, it is important to learn from your mistakes, so in summary: </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><ol style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Always have factory-approved chemical solvents on hand when opening new electronics; </b></span></li><li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Never assume that just because a child goes to the same day care as your children, that their birthday party is being held within a 50-mile radius of your town, and most importantly; </b></span></li><li><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Never turn your back on a barometer.</b></span></li></ol></div>Anthony Ringhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02821110723963907888noreply@blogger.com0