When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

Eating dinner out, and potty training are two things that do not combine very well. First off, when our kids were slightly younger than they are now, any dinner out was a disaster. There are three of them and only two of us, so right off the bat, we are outnumbered. There’s no man-to-man defense in a situation such as this. Add to that the fact that two of them are twins and sometimes you can have yourself a real situation.

  Once, when the girls were not quite fully potty-trained, we were having a dinner at a restaurant. Of course, for us, ‘having dinner’ means there was food on the table, but instead of eating it, we were frantically jumping around catching thrown forks and spilled cups and tipping high chairs.

   At one point, one of our daughters said she had to go potty. If you’ve ever potty trained a child, you know the thought process that happens at this moment. There is mild frustration at having to interrupt dinner to take care of things. There is excitement at the progress your child has made since they know they have to go and can briefly hold it (and I should emphasize ‘briefly.’) Mainly, though, there is the overwhelming sense of urgency that you have to get them to the potty immediately. This thought overpowers most other brain impulses, such as motor function, common sense, or perceptiveness.

  I was in the urgent mode. In a flash, I grabbed up my daughter and rushed directly to the bathroom, and also into a very awkward moment. I suppose there were probably several clues I should have picked up on to alert me that I was making an embarrassing mistake. But when you are in a mad rush to get a small, not-quite potty trained child to a bathroom, it’s quite possible to miss minor details.

DETAIL #1: The missing urinal

  When I barged into the restroom, holding my child like a sack of potatoes, I distinctly remember noticing that in the spot where there should have been a urinal, there was a normal toilet. “That’s odd. What kind of establishment is this?” I thought, briefly.

  But I didn’t have time to waste on such petty, superficial, architectural incongruities at the moment. I was on an urgent mission, with a small child and a full bladder to contend with! We made it to a potty just in time. No accident in the diaper! Success! As the feeling of relief flooded my system, my brain relaxed and started to remember other small details.

DETAIL #2: The woman at the sink

  In the back of my mind, I vaguely recalled seeing something out of place as I rushed into a stall. “Was that a woman standing at the sink when I rushed in here?” I thought. “Why is there a woman in the men’s restroom? The nerve of some people...”

 But in the back of my mind all the pieces were all gradually starting to come together for me. It was at this point that I heard my wife’s voice calling me from the door to tell me another minor detail I had overlooked.

DETAIL #3: The female symbol on the door

    As you’ve probably already guessed by now, the next words I heard were, “Honey, that’s the women’s room.”

   “The women’s room? That can’t be right,” I thought. “I wouldn’t do something that stupid, would I?”

   Sadly, I would.

  Apparently, the lady at the sink must have had children and/or grandchildren of her own because she only chuckled in an understanding manner as I profusely apologized. Apparently, she was much more observant than me, and she must have noticed the panicked expression on my face that I had as I so rudely hurried past her with a toddler held at arms length. She instantly identified me as a frantic parent who obviously took a wrong turn somewhere, and did not jump to any number of other conclusions one might come to in such a situation.

  As always, I learned something from the experience. 1. Panic and being in too much of a hurry can always lead to careless mistakes; 2. Women’s restrooms are, not surprisingly, much nicer than men’s; and 3. If you have the time to look carefully, you’ll find that most public restrooms are clearly identified.