Always Read The Invitation

We arrived 15 minutes early for once. That should have been my first clue that something was horribly wrong.

You see, my wife and I have 3 kids, and two of them are twin 3-year old girls. We never get anywhere early. Getting everyone out the door in the morning is like pulling teeth, except teeth are indifferent and not actively opposing your attempts at getting anything done. So we never get anywhere when we’re supposed to be there. If we arrive at all, we consider it a success.

The morning started like every other morning…for me, anyway. That means it was one minor disaster after another. The girls were every excited because that day was the day one of their friends was having a birthday party, and they had been looking forward to it all week. We know this, because every morning they asked us if there was no day care, and if it was the party day. Repeatedly.

The first thing that happened was that our brand-new Blu-ray player (right out of the box) had some sort of cardboard advertisement/feature list thing on it, secured with what must have been an industrial-strength epoxy, the type they use to hold airline parts together. Of course, I could be exaggerating and it could have simply been welded on, I’m not sure. In any event, it’s taken a lot of scrubbing and cursing to get it even remotely clear. It’s still not completely gone. We may have to sand it down and repaint the box. I’m not sure electronics take to well to that sort of treatment, but they also won’t take to well to using some form of acid, and I can’t think of any other alternative.

While we were getting inventive with our adhesive removal techniques, one of our daughters spilled water all over everything in the basement because, ironically, she was trying to clean something.

Once those issues were loosely under control (nothing is ever completely under control at out house,) we got everyone ready and got out the door with time to spare to get to the party location in Winchester, a half-hour away. And we got there early, while the parking lot was still empty and before anyone else had arrived. Unbeknownst to us, it was before anyone was ever going to arrive.

Sadly, the party was in the Gainesville location of that establishment, a solid 45 minutes away in the opposite direction. Turns out that you have to fully read the entire invitation when your kids bring home cards from their friends. After we realized that there was no way we could get gas and still make it to the actual party in time, we felt so horrible that we took our kids somewhere else fun and bribed them with new toys.

Later that night, fate struck again. At dinner, a barometer on the cabinet behind me exploded for no reason, showering me with glass fragments and whatever strange liquids they use in barometers. I don’t know if it fell and broke, or if it just exploded because it found our situation so hilarious that it laughed itself to death.

These sorts of things happen to us all the time, and it’s not because of any of the reasons you’re thinking (i.e. I’m an idiot.) The actual reason is something called “Ring Luck.” It causes even the most simple task to be full of complications. Nothing ever goes smoothly and you can always assume that everything will take longer and cost more than you expect and that you will have to deal with something slightly out-of-the-ordinary. I’ve had it my whole life, my brother has it, my dad has it, and now my wife has picked it up. To be fair, I did warn her before we got married, so I can’t be held fully responsible.

The upside is that it makes a funny story out of every memory and that’s really the most important thing. Also, it is important to learn from your mistakes, so in summary: 
  1. Always have factory-approved chemical solvents on hand when opening new electronics; 
  2. Never assume that just because a child goes to the same day care as your children, that their birthday party is being held within a 50-mile radius of your town, and most importantly; 
  3. Never turn your back on a barometer.

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